In my life there have always been shadows.
Those almost secrets, those things I never dared to do.
Or to be.
As a child, I believed in fairy tales. In my parents, a model of companions for each other.
People who put their heart into life, always together.
In my family of origin, where I grew up, no one breaks their ties. There are no separations, no regrets… Always look forward. With the partner on the shoulder, and vice versa.
However, since I have been conscious I have felt that darkness in my gut.
The secret that screams in my ear that which never was.
That couldn’t be.
Whose story am I repeating?
Every once in a while my unconscious wildly comes to light, trying to show me something that I can’t understand.
Who I am? Where am I heading?
Other times, I flow through life like a butterfly celebrating the flowers, living without hesitation another minute.
Many times, I don’t know myself. Even knowing that I am myself, I feel like an inhabitant of another place, of other bodies.
And only in some, few (and delicate) moments, do I connect with my essence. My background music.
That emotion. That sadness that threatens to come out but does not dare to see the light.
And it continues to inhabit my guts, my visceral darkness.
Who am I to oppose her? I wonder
What can I do to let her go, to let her be free?
A soft fear crosses my path, and begins to grow. To set the pace.
And so, in a small instant, the darkness becomes total.
